Balance is a myth

...kind of

Earlier this week on Notes I apologised for my expression of depression as I went on to question whether it's too early in 2024 to feel like there is not enough time in the day. I feel like I’ve been exhausting every second of the day, moving from minute to minute and then panicking when I realise two hours have passed and I have not made the sizable dent I intended in the task at hand. Am I grossly underestimating how long something will take or am I piling too much onto my plate from the buffet of productivity?

I work 40 hours a week in my 9-5. I have the absolute luxury of working from home 100% and have the privilege to be somewhat flexible and manage my day how I see fit. But I also have these creative endeavours that are essential bites of sustenances that feed my soul, that I’m hoping will go from bites to full on meals through work, grit and consistency. For about five years, I’ve said if I could make £3K a month after taxes, doing something I love and PREFERABLY working for myself, I’d be happy. Not simply satisfied or the horrors of contentment but genuine happiness. 

It wasn’t until finally eradicating alcohol from my life and getting a firm grip on my sobriety, that I  felt like I could actually achieve the above. I got sober 277 days ago (13th April 2023) and ever since, I am hyper aware of where I place my energy. Who I give my attention to. Call it a by-product of getting sober because going from drinking litres of spirits everyday to nothing, is intentional balls to the walls hardwork and struggles. Every. Single. Day.