Be a no-getter?

Stop telling me to take it easy

I’ve been seeing a lot of ‘be gentle’ content recently. I’m not sure if ‘the algorithm’ is only force feeding me this content or if it's being shoved down the throats of others too (how tf does the algorithm work?) but my feeds are congested. 

“Take it slow, don’t push yourself, stop working so hard”  

These sea of tranquility tidbits are really rubbing me the wrong way. Having tender, warm-hug mantras at the ready, waiting to be unleashed like a yogi jack in the box as your ‘get out of jail free card’ for whenever shit gets tough, feels like an excuse to constantly avoid discomfort. 

In a world that is perpetually drenched in torrential angst, actively shunning challenging moments on a regular basis can only make you more susceptible to the hurt this world spews out, whether that’s inflicted by others or yourself. 

I should know. I used this very method to justify my drinking.

There’s so much nuance with addiction. This is not an oversimplification. This is something that I noticed in my journey that was simply another thing that made it difficult for me to leave active addiction (isn’t hindsight a beautiful thing?)

Problems feel itchy. Like a lingering tingling nestled beneath my skin. So naturally I had to soothe the sting. And what was the topical antidote of choice? Alcohol of course. Fix that itch, fix that itch! Not only did I successfully mute the feelings of gloom that my problems projectile vomited at me, I pursued an alternative route that literally flooded me with happiness!  Win win. As long as I stayed floating in my alcoholic trance of evasion, the challenges always remained untouched while the problems piled up. But at least I was dodging the distress. 

Maybe because I indulged my every whinny whim, I’m unintentionally catapulting myself in the opposite direction. If you’re in the darkness for so long, you’d want to run towards the light, right? I don’t know if that’s scientifically accurate but it sounds logical. Catastrophising is my mother tongue but I don’t want to be woe is me and wrap myself in bubble wrap. I’ve been through some stuff but I’m still here (trauma makes you forget shit anyway so yay lol). I’m a tad broken, I’ve got cracks and dents but I can deal with the discomfort while still putting myself together.

I can’t always wait to be in the right mood, right setting, right ‘fall into place’ of circumstances to work on things. If I waited for this serenity, nothing would get done. 

This sounds so problematic and contrary to a lot of content I see, but when I’ve worked hard (i.e. stuck to my routine - read Don’t f*ck with my routine), it helps me feel like I deserve to rest. Like I’ve earned it. I struggle with that work guilt/you’re being lazy inner monologue(no shit lol), so knowing I’ve been consistent really helps me feel the most minimal guilt possible on those days where the universe is cranking up the crushing of my soul. 

Having said that, I know myself well enough to know when to push and when to stop. Like when you know you have one more rep in you or you have to lower the weight. If I didn’t get adequate rest, I’d be a sleepy, hollow mess of a human producing a lot of nothing. It's funny. Every time I start to write about resting being important, I inevitably link it back to rest being a contributor to my ability to work. I guess that’s where my head is at right now. I hope no one refers to me as boomer-adjacent. I’ve been using that term a lot this week to refer to views that are so questionably uninformed.

I think balance is important. I’m not going to work myself into the ground but I am going to put the effort in, be disciplined and show up. Some days will be a mess. I will plan to do x, y, z but will do fuck all. Other days will be the productive pinnacles of my existence.